Does the Church you marry in determine your happily ever after?

I spent the whole evening listening to the cry of my girlfriend who just broke up with her boyfriend all because they couldn't reconcile their differences as regards whose church to wed in.
I also remember having this same argument with my cousin as regards whose church the couples should wed in. I am of the opinion that it is the groom's church while she strongly believes that the conjugal blessing should be done in the bride's church. So please let me use this medium to ask you reading this piece, whose church should couples wed in, the bride or the groom?

Back to my story, 5 years of relationship washed down the drain all because the parents of the bride insisted that the groom must marry in their family church and of cos the groom and his parents bluntly refused as they do not want to be controlled by the bride's parents and want the same wedding done in their own church. (lol they should split the hours and conduct the wedding in both churches)



I know that marrying in a church is much more than an obligation. Some see it as an opportunity to hold a celebration that is joyful and meaningful and one that can have positive impact on the rest of your married life.Some parents also see it as a thing of pride. but should any reason really over shadow the real reason of the day? Honestly the focal point of any wedding ceremony is the exchange of vows. It is believed that these vows they make is unbreakable because 'through their union with Christ they participate in the unbreakable pact between God and humanity".


I don't believe in the media hype about how marriage is more difficult now than before, to me marriage has always been a daunting task, the task did not change, but the people involved in the task has. A topic for another day.
Many couples find it hard to keep their promises. Most of us want to marry but do not believe that it lasts for a life time. The Church does not determine your happily ever after. Your happily ever after determines on you, your spouse, your God and how you handle your environment.we have seen people who their supposed church in quote has driven a wedge between the couples.

So for those of us that are single, or if i have any parent with a child old enough to marry reading this blog, Let the main thing be the main thing. Do not cloud the start of your new adventure with rules that hold no bearing on the future of your life.

What Every Instructor Should Know.........

Sometime last week I ordered a musical DVD online because I needed to learn the dance routines and work out with it because the dance steps incorporated lots of abs routines. I can now fit into a size 8 pants and even though I lost tummy fat, I can't compare it to the amount of weight fat i have lost in other places.

I thought to my self that it would be best to flip my exercise and just do abdominal to help lose more of the belly fat and less fat in other places. Yea yea!!!!! i know what you might be saying " i thought she was the one complaining that she was over weight or ah ah after all her preaching that we need to keep fit etc' but don't forget that 'as a rule man is a fool when its hot, he wants it cold, when its cold he wants it hot, always wanting what is not'. Well I really wanted to loose weight, the more i got closer to my desired size the more i felt happy, but my major problem was my tummy fat and the worst part is when you have a cousin who constantly reminded you of how your tummy enters the room before the person carrying it. So please don't blame me if I am complaining that I can now fit into a size 10 dress comfortably and yet still need to burn my abdominal fat.


Finally the dvd was delivered to my office and after work I flew to the gym so elated that I was going to learn some new moves and have fun while working on my abs. I got to the gym and convinced every one there that the dvd was the bomb (lol even when i never watch am o) and they finally agreed for me to change the station from the Trace Tv they were enjoying oh while working out. Hmmm!!! na so everyone come focus to see the routines oh (lol you go fear this kind rapt attention o).


Finally the show started, the dance instructor came out with THE dancers (lol abeg i had to use the cos if i tell you the gender you fit figure out with dvd i dey yarn about... kpele ). One song had more than 15 routines which I really do not mind but teaching all the 15 routines and above at the same time as we are all at the same level was not nice. THE instructor took all the routines at once without the song, performed it again with the song playing along and the next thing they entered the dance hall and performed the routine again (my dear i for go club ku ku ma go dance na, ah ah kilode!!!).


I was pained in the spirit, I thought of my time i used to surf for that dvd online, the money i wasted buying it and to worsen the situation every other person in the gym didn't spare me and the torture i just put them through. My instructor laughed really hard saying "Torti I told you to follow your program and you decided that you want to dance, please continue your dance as I have other clients waiting'. I apologized to those I tortured and packed my bag, carried my burden (dvd) and left the gym.


I thought to my self saying ' finally it takes a whole lot to be a teacher, to be able to teach someone something and for that patience to be able to comprehend it well and fast". I mean nothing stops THE instructor from choosing less complicated routines (even every topic for maths self get more than one formula, in fact one get long method and short method self) or even if THE instructor wants to show case all routines giving us time to learn and follow suit would have been more appropriate. But then what do I know, am neither a teacher nor am I a dance instructor.


I think every teacher / instructor should consider the following each time they are about to embark on such journey:

1.  Know your audience:Any instructor who just stands for hours, dish out instructions, gives just one example and leaves the rest to his or her student is not a good instructor/ teacher. A good teacher / instructor should be able to able to know his or how audience and decipher how fast or slow they get to grasp something. When THAT instructor decided to make the dance video I doubt if this was properly considered if not show casing all routines and taking it to the dance hall shouldn't have been the appropriate thing. The beginners, middle classes where not properly considered.


2.   Patience: every instructor or teacher ought to have patience with those that they are tutoring. He or she understands that he or she is dealing with different individuals from different background and may not be able to comprehend just at the same time. Just as the fingers are not equal so is our ability to comprehend things not the same with the next person.


3. Communication: this is very vital for every one who wishes to succeed in conveying his or her message to the audience. This involves the body movements, eye contact and of cos the oral aspect of it. Lack of proper communication skills will either leave your audience more confused or make them lose interest.


4. Passion: any instructor or teacher that does not have passion for or love what he or she does will never produce good result. It is this passion that differentiates you from another person in your field. Really and truly THE instructor has passion and loves dancing; and on a normal day i would say this is the greatest factor to consider  but from all indications one of these factors can not be 100% without the other.


So when next you are in a position to teach/instruct anyone , please consider the person or group, be patient, communicate on a level they will understand and deliver your message with passion.

The Act of Correction

I walked in to an eatery to get lunch, here was this friends chatting and laughing really hard , I took a glance at their table and wished I had such good company, and then I started to eavesdrop into the conversation (little aproko).

I could not hear the whole gist but there was little argument and in less than 5 minutes the guy went mute and didn't utter another word till they left the eatery.

This is not the first time I have seen a person in the bid to be correct, openly make a fool out of their friend or who ever they are with in public, and the sad thing is that we are ignorant of the effect this type of correction has on the recipient and the way it takes the Joy out of the interaction.

How could being right be more important than protecting the feelings of the ones you love?. Same thing can be seen in various homes where the woman will want to make a fool out of the husband (vice versa)

In the olden days in Africa, women where naturally brought up not to interject when their husbands are talking in public, and I guess this is the reason, because one partner can just ruin the whole moment in a bid to be technically correct.

Please I am not saying you should be a partner in the many lies your husband or wife tells (that is if he lies) but if you must correct in Public make sure it is worth it, not over some menial things that would be forgotten tomorrow, but because of your desire to correct.

An isolated occurrence should not be turned to be seen as an always event, if you are always in the habit of correcting your partner, they will find it hard to keep sharing their dreams, fears and aspirations with you. After a while, if someone you love keeps correcting you, you will become cautious and guarded and refrain from sharing things for the fear of being corrected. No one appreciates being corrected always.

A correction aimed at interrupting your partner affects his momentum and the mood. So my point is, unless it is really really important, shut up and let the gist flow, you can tell him or her later at home that his story was not totally correct or be wise in your correction. The tone used too should not be harsh just like the lady in the story. Look carefully at when, where and why you are correcting your partner and how they are responding to it.  Always try to correct with love and in love as often times the correction has more to do with our needs than that of the partner being corrected.

P.S men are as guilty as women

EVERYBODY wants a GOOD GIRL

Last week a friend of mine told me that he is looking for a good girl to marry and I pretended like I didn't hear him. I kept on discussing other topics and he patiently waited for me to land or rather to stop fooling around. Back to my own topic he said 'OY I need a good girl and I have been seeing all those girls you use as display picture, please connect me to one that is good'
I kept quiet for like 3 minutes and I asked him ,please what do you mean by a good girl, in fact what's your definition of a good girl'?

He started listing all the qualities the good girl ought to have. According to him, he needs a girl that isn't vain, she should be respectful, domesticated, God fearing, good character, tall, beautiful, must know how to speak well, a good listener and above all must be chaste (na so i tear laugh finally).
I was tired of listening to him and I had to ask 'abeg all these your good girl qualities wey you dey list self, the ones wey YOU spoil, who you leave them for'?....(mtcheeeewww)

You do not want someone that is vain in the sense that if she sees hair or shoe that she likes, she will turn to a blind bat and let it go but you on the other hand will spend the same amount or more drinking, clubbing or indulging in your own vanity. If you ask me, using the word 'vain' is so not appropriate in our quest in finding the good one. Instead why don't you look out for the following:

1. A girl that is prudent: this personality is marked by wisdom and is shown in the management of resources.
2. God fearing: this aspect I can not over emphasize. As it is written, the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom and that is very important.
3. A girl that is witty to come back to, make you relax after a hard day's work.
4. A girl who is domesticated has good manners, is polite and helpful. Everyman needs a help mate, someone that will help you achieve your goals and likewise you help her achieve hers.

5. You need to look out for someone who you are compatible with. Someone who's shortcomings you will be able to live with or rather who you will strengthen her weaknesses whilst she does same for yours. So that you two will be capable of existing together in harmony
6.  A girl who will understand you. Someone willing to understand you and forgive your
 shortcomings.
7. Finally one man's meat is another man's poison. Those ones you have tagged 'bad' have that their perfect match who will cherish them for their experience.

Finally to all the girls out there I leave you with this last ad

photocredit: trulyafakari, wattpad.com, Aisha

WHY COMPLAIN...?

Finally Thank God Its MONDAY!!!!! at least I get to keep my head, mind and self busy.

Weekend was not fun at all... Lots of Drama and I kept on complaining until someone shared this post with me.

"COMPLAINING IS LIKE A BROKEN RECORD- REPEATS ITSELF AND GOES NOWHERE.

People were coming to the wise man, every time complaining about the same problems. One day he told them a joke and everyone roared in laughter.

After a couple of minutes he told them the same joke and only a few of them smiled.

When he told the same joke for the third time no one laughed anymore.

The wise man smiled and said:

– You can’t laugh at the same joke over and over. So why are you always crying about the same problem?

So start off by erasing the word PROBLEM from your vocabulary and replace it with the word CHALLENGE. This action  by itself frees you from the shackles of the "problem" and launches you into a solution  finding mode because everyone who is challenged fights back. That's the way our brain is wired. Problems make us defensive, challenges make us offensive. So starting  today turn  all your problems into challenges and see how things change for the better".

Do you feel that you have been living in the shadow of your old glory? Are you perturbed that you have not reached that peak yet? I want to remind you that a heavy heart breaks the spirit and there is no competition in destiny.

"The road to your destiny is filled with friends with knives in their hands but smiles on their faces" So instead of feeling sorry for your self, or sobbing cos it seems that you are way behind your colleagues or lamenting because someone feels that without him or her 'you are nobody', I urge you to take every stumbling block as a stepping stone, wipe those tears and remind yourself that God has the final say over your life. 

Keep pushing, your sacrifices will pay off soon. Destiny may be delayed but not denied. 

I hope this post helps someone today and have a blessed week ahead..

Photocredit: Shutterstock, SteveNwosu