Monday, 19 October 2015
If I lie a little to save my relationship will I be hurting the ones I love?
The truth is that not ALL situations demand the same level of openness (lol i am sure at this point some people are already asking if we are still brethren). We are humans and it is only natural that at some point in our lives we are face with the dilemma between our desire for that honest relationship and the temptation to lie about our failings in order to protect the ones we love.
I once read somewhere that the amount of truth you must tell to any given person depends how much healthy intimacy you want to have with the person.
Don't get me wrong, I am of the school of thought that couples should maintain a healthy relationship by telling the truth. On the other side of the coin our human nature gives us the ability of not forgetting when we have been hurt by the ones we love. Even the TRUTH HURTS sometimes and WE NEVER FORGET. That is why most times when there is a small issue and the mat is raised, the dirty under it is seen. Your partner trusted you with the dirt and expected you to trash it and if possible burn it but you did not and in that moment of rage, anger and revenge you use the truth as a weapon. Now you are forced to start keeping the truth to your self no matter how hard it hurts if it will protect you and the ones you love like its said 'what you don't know wont kill you'. As you can see this is the dilemma of telling the truth.
At this point I will like to ask
1. Is it okay to keep the truth or to say half truth in order not to hurt the ones you love?
2. How can one guarantee that the truth said won't be used against him or her in future?
3. Which truths are worth telling?
These questions are usually the questions we are confronted with when in dilemma as regards telling the truth. Hope you are not expecting me to answer the questions,(*tongueout*).
No matter how contradicted the story is ALWAYS TELL YOURSELF THE TRUTH even Shakespeare said " to thine own self be true" because the intimate connection in your life is the one you have with your self.
Someone once told me 'it is always good to tell...' and I am like even when it will break you. I thought about it and I will say tell your loved ones as much truth as you can because at the end they are all you have to stand by you in your trying times...(if they leave you God will never forsake you lol).
I am not saying you should lie, i am saying that just as the courts make a person taking the oath to say " I promise to say the truth, THE WHOLE TRUTH, and nothing but the truth". This clearly states that there are different kinds of truth, my emphasis is on the WHOLE TRUTH. I believe you should should not lie but i also believe the whole truth is a luxury you can not afford always.
So be stingy with the whole truth because it can be used to burn you if in the wrong hands and also it can kill the receiver if they are not prepared for it.Giving out the whole truth requires wisdom in many situations.
Finally TIMING is of essence...know the right time to tell the truth and come clean. 'Select your moment carefully and establish a baseline of honesty...' in all fairness there is no perfect time to tell the truth but there is certainly a wrong time. The art of waiting for the perfect environment is one that no one on earth has mastered yet. Instead of waiting for a perfect moment, create one. Choose a period of no tension, privacy and comfortable environment and say the truth in love.
So what are your views?