Saturday, 1 July 2017

TIPS ON RESPECT



So I just finished reading 'The Life and Times of Bimbo Odukoya' written by Pastor Taiwo Odukoya and I just thought it wise to share the courtship tips on respect with my own little comment in italics;

1. Do not let the relationship move too fast in its infancy- the phrase 'not too hot, not too cool' has validity.
Personally, I don't understand his definition of 'too fast' but often times, we meet people and somehow it seems we have known them all our lives and you just like that the friendship progresses to another level

2. Do not discuss your personal inadequacies and flaws in great detail when the relationship is new.
This is one aspect of his tips that I keep failing come tomorrow because personally when asked who I am you only get to hear of my flaws from me and if its something you think you can deal with or help me work on then I will totally appreciate if not then farewell is inorder. 

3.Remember that respect precedes love, build it stone by stone.
I can NEVER fault this tip. Respect is key!!! It helps curtail a lot of misunderstandings in the nearest future. It should also not be one sided as I believe Respect is Reciprocal.

4. Don't call too often or give the other person an opportunity to get tired of you.
In as much as I agree to a reasonable extent, I also believe Communication is key to every relationship. To me, there is nothing like too much call as most times the recipient might even be preoccupied to receive the call and in such scenario, a text will suffice. There is nothing as refreshing, sexy and encouraging as getting a message from your partner letting you in on his or her itinerary every day. It also gets to show that despite his or her busy schedule you are in his or her 'thought-process' lol!!

5. Don't be too quick to reveal your desire to get married.
Like my friends will always say 'Marriage is not for everybody' so first settle with your creator if it's for you, it will definitely come..'Delay is not denial' as God's time is the best. Be calm in order not to rush out the way you rushed in. Above all such 'quick revelation might scare the other person away from you.



6. Relationships are constantly being tested by cautious lovers who like to nibble at the bait before swallowing the hook.
Hmmmm! I don't even like all these 'tests' just kuku purchase 'the bait' wholesale and you can 'nibble' away 

7. Do not expect anyone to meet all your emotional needs.
YES, I TOTALLY AGREE!!! We need to learn to be our number one cheerleader likewise take control of our emotions, needs to a reasonable extent. You can't always rely on another person, many have done that and have come back crushed and if you think I am lying ask Adele.

8. Guard against selfishness in your love affair; neither the woman nor the man should do all the giving.
There is love in sharing which includes the responsibilities, showing love and affections etc Generally this life is 'a give and take something' Do not expect to receive from the other person when you have not given anything.

9. Beware of blindness to obvious warning signs that tell you that your potential spouse is basically disloyal, hateful, spiritually uncommitted, selfish etc
If you are like me, you will see everything as a sign from not calling, not replying messages or not even returning them (well these might not be seen as being disloyal to some people but if you are loyal to what you have with someone, you should be able to keep them abreast of everything) To me it is a big deal. 

10. Don't marry the person you think you can live with, marry only the individual you think you can't live without.
So true...One you are inadequate without him or her.


HAPPY NEW MONTH!!!! 

Friday, 9 June 2017

LICENCE TO PRAISE

Someone once said 'we would worry less if we praised more. thanksgiving is the enemy of discontent and dissatisfaction'
Are you like me that have been worried about a thousand and one things lately?
Do you feel that you cannot make it on your own? Well of cos you can't.
That is why you have to let go and let God pilot your affairs.
The Lord is my strength and my song, and He has become my salvation; This is my God, and I will praise him...Exodus 15:2

Let us worry less and praise God more!!! what ever troubles weighing you down are featherweight compared to the glory yet to come. That is why come this sunday 


We waited for it!!! Now it's finally upon us... On Sunday @officialgoodguy and I would be Licensed to Praise!!! #License2Praise..
June11th 2017
#Made4This..
@ RCCG SOLUTION CENTRE
3, Oladunni street by walter siffre street (Glory Estate)  Ifako Gbagada Lagos.
2pm.

is #compere #comic  #comicemperor #internationalweddinghost #princeofyarns #kingofflows #kingdomhypeman
#Dare2standout #niche #brand #staystrong #focus #christinme #easyflow  #superstarcomedian #dj #shure #mic #mc #emcee #weddinghost #radio #tv #comedian 
video
You really don't want to miss this!!! https://youtu.be/9PfmdjX1i5A

Monday, 29 May 2017

LIES


 Often times if I am asked what I hate, you will hear me mention other things but recently I just discovered that my hatred for lies knows no bound especially when it is coming from a friend or someone I could literally vouch for.

I am not saying I have never lied before. In fact I lie every day I am on my feet in court but that is because necessity has been laid upon me to defend my clients diligently and oh! Lawyers are not liars’ 😄😄😄 well “a man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.”



Anyways fast forward to last month I found out that someone I literally told my friend I could vouch for him has been lying to me. Like you know when someone has been serving you white lies and you have been eating it just to quench that voracious appetite. The day I found out I was shocked and for the first time I confronted the person. I mean how one could be so callous to the extent of serving such lies without even pitying the recipient. 
For weeks I couldn't help but rant and that did not help matters because I found out that it consumed me more. I remembered a friend once told me to forgive but you will also agree with me that as much as it is easier to forgive, forgetting on the other hand is not such an easy thing to day. Till today I have never spoken to that person again even though I might be forced to do so sooner or later.



I know people lie to avoid looking stupid, incompetent or the fear of someone getting upset with them but why not ask yourself these questions before you embark on that journey
a.       Is it worth it?
b.      What impact will it have on the recipient if the truth finally comes out?
It actually takes a lot more effort to lie than to tell the truth.
Lying doesn’t save your sanity
Lying makes people distrust you
A lie taxes your brain and causes a lot of stress and discomfort
I know you will say sometimes ‘Honesty is not the best policy’, even SIMI prefers to be lied to if the truth will break her heart but this is me telling you to tell me the truth as I don’t mind leaving with my shattered heart in my hands and above all God hates lies and loves the truth.

   
PS: 'HONESTY WILL ALWAYS GET YOU FARTHER IN LIFE THAN LIES WILL EVER COULD. A LIE COULD OPEN MANY DOORS BUT THEY WILL ONLY BE SLAMMED IN YOUR FACE WHEN THE TRUTH COMES OUT'

Friday, 19 May 2017

OH WHY!!!

So my birthday was last month and my friends decided to place me on hot seat. The only question on every one's lips was OH WHY DID YOU ABANDON YOUR BLOG?




How do I explain to them why i stopped writing when I can't even explain it to myself.
Anyways this is me saying thank you to all those that reached out to me and hope not to disappoint you all in the nearest future. 

XOXO

Thursday, 5 May 2016

LIFE AFTER DEATH: 10 YEARS AND COUNTING



My sister got the call.
The 3 of us were in a room, getting dressed for our grandma’s burial.
"Tell your mummy to start coming to Lagos", he said.
"Daddy, but today is ma's burial, she can't start coming to Lagos".
He hung up.
About an hour later, my sister got a call from his number again.
This time it was my cousin. She mumbled some words into the phone.
I turned to look at her.
And I knew.
I knew from the expression on her face.
He was gone.
Dead.
We just sat in silence. Then, she said, "Abiye, we can't tell mummy till after ma's burial, have you heard? Junior, don't tell anybody".


My brother was 9 at the time and immediately, he took up responsibility as the father of the house. He warned us not to cry, made sure we were okay, then, went downstairs to read the 1st lesson for our grandma's burial.
I watched him smile & greet people on his way with courage. Like he, a 9 year old, didn't just get the news that his father had passed. Like he isn't supposed to break down in tears like every child would do.
But he was strong & his strength gave me strength.
I thought back to a few days ago, when daddy called to tell us how he felt much better, would resume work soon & would come back to PH to see all of us. He sounded so happy just 2 days ago.
So, why is he dead?
I called my cousin. Surely, she doesn't know what she's saying.
"Check him well, Tamunoene, maybe, he's just unconscious". She couldn't even hear me, she just kept wailing.
It can’t be true.
After ma’s burial, I'll warn Tamunoene to stop giving false alarms in situations like this.
Rubbish!!!!.
Daddy can't die.
But I knew, deep down, I knew I wasn't going to see him again. I knew he had gone to a better place. I knew the pains would stop and he would be a lot happier in death.
But I refused to accept. Denial was bliss, better, easier.
So, I went about my activities, unbothered, thinking at the back of my mind that Tamunoene will soon call and say "sorry guys, he has woken up"
Mummy didn't know till 2 days later when she was preparing to go to Lagos because, well, none of us had the courage to tell her. We would lie that we've spoken to him, he went for dialysis that's why he hasn't been taking her calls.



Then, Aunty Rose came over.
You see, Aunty Rose knows everything about everybody.
[She knows who is cheating on who with who in church, she knows whose husband beats his wife on a daily basis, she knew when & why Tekena left Babcock. Years later, she knew about my engagement before my mum did, & she knew when my sister got pregnant before my sister herself found out. Lmao]
So, it was no surprise that she knew about my dad's death before my mum. She came to give her condolences, and broke the news in the process.
My mum lost it. 
She went from tears to resentment to denial to guilt and to the realization that she was suddenly gathered by sympathizers and the death is the reason why her phone wouldn’t stop ringing. She wasn’t going through the 5 stages of grief in the right order the psychologists propounded. She was in total grief.
But, suddenly, God provided strength. The strength which comes with the realization that she had become a single parent of 3 children who hadn’t gone far in their education, the sole provider and the pillar of the family.
I had to go back to school some days after to face tests. The right approach, or so I thought, was to keep my sad news to myself till after the tests because I didn’t need anybody’s pity. I hate pity.
Besides, I was still in denial.
It was on visiting day I broke down. I curled into a ball on my bunk bed and cried for 3 whole days. The tears wouldn’t stop. The acceptance of the death as final as it was left a sharp pain. That’s when the whole QC knew I had lost my dad some weeks ago. My friends were shocked that I kept the news away from them.
Sarah was my bunkmate at the time. She shared her jollof rice with me, hoping I would feel better, I still remember the confused look on her face when I wouldn’t stop crying. Lol.
I cried because he visited me on my last visiting day, brought his legendary signature jollof spaghetti and meatballs. He said he woke up very early to cook it for me. He brought so many provisions, I was shocked. I noticed he couldn’t stand for long when I ran to hug him, so, we sat under the tree facing Admin Block and he told me to read my books and make him proud. He said I should stop coming 11th in class but should be part of the 1st ten students. He called my mum to tell her “your daughter is growing taller than me o”. His laughter and happiness seemed so genuine.
That was the last time I saw him.
So, this particular visiting day, nobody came for me, my daddy didn’t come with jollof spaghetti, he didn’t bring pocket money in crisp notes like he always did, he wasn’t there to measure his height with mine and proudly say ‘you’re still not taller than me’, he wasn’t there to tell me to go and cut my scanty hair, there was nobody to make jokes about my big nose.

So, it hit me.
Hard.
The tears kept flowing.
The worst part was Amie had graduated and there was nobody to hold my hands and wipe my tears in school. I was on my own, and I needed to be strong for myself by myself.  
So, after 3 whole days of nonstop tears, it stopped as abruptly as it came.
I think I picked myself up and healed so fast because that’s what he would have wanted. If he had seen me crying in school, he would have said, ‘If you like, don’t read your books, suck your hands and cry till you come last in class, you hear?’.
My very good friend, Chinyere, lost her dad recently, and I did not know how to explain to her that the pain of death is something you have to deal with for the rest of your life. Times you wish your father was here to look at all your achievements & see you’ve made him proud, When you want to walk down the aisle & you need your father by your side, Times when you need your whole family to be complete, For great memories made in his absence; your thoughts still wander towards him and the wave of sadness hits you all over again.
Nothing prepares you for death and nothing, absolutely nothing, hurts the way the death of a loved one does.


It’s been 10 years and I remember every detail about him up to his death. In these 10 years, we, my mum & siblings, have become closer, grown stronger, wiser and deeper in our faith in Christ. Death doesn’t faze me anymore, it only brought room for maturity and the thought that nothing lasts forever.
We now laugh and talk about him fondly. Even though we miss him so much, we do not spend our time thinking about what could have been. God did not forsake us, he was with us all through the way, just like he promised. And because He keeps fulfilling his promises, we know there won’t be any tragedies in our family again.
So, Daddy, thank you.
Thank you for all the times you tried to be a disciplinarian with me and Amie, and you made us read books, and watch CNN when we just wanted to play or sleep. Thank you for teaching me how to write like you. Thank you for making us listen to Majek Fashek, Rex Lawson, Bob Marley and the other reggae music you made us fall in love with. Thank you for being ‘Ololo’ himself because we can’t disappoint you in public. Thank you for those times when you sat on your favorite chair and read your Bible nonstop for almost 24hours. Thank you for your spaghetti. Thank you for your sense of humour, for pretending to sleep when we asked for money, for giving us N100 to cut our hair when we asked for N5k to fix weave, for the notes you left on the table with money before going to work, for genuine laughter and happiness. Thank you for your kind heart and for always putting others before yourself. We remember it all.
I’ve become a lawyer just like you predicted, and your name keeps opening doors for me in court. I constantly hear ‘I’m not doing this for you, I’m doing it because your father was good to me’. Amie has become a brilliant hotshot Engineer, she and mummy are the O & G babes of the family. Lol. Amie has 2 kids, the 1st born has your family’s skin colour, while the 2nd one looks like Mummy. Junior will soon graduate from the University, he’s studying Law too but wants to be a Custom Officer, like you. (I’ve been trying to discourage him). And Mummy, she has trained and raised us right, made us a close knit family, sacrificed a lot for us to be where we are today. She has indeed been a mum and dad.
I still have your Customs name tag placed by my window, Junior has a framed picture of you which he carries to any room he moves to, Amie has your passport in her wallet. We make sure we carry pieces of you around & memories of you fondly in our heart.
We miss you, and we pray you continue to rest in peace.

RIP ADOKIYE ABIBO (OCT 23 1952 – MAY 6 2006) forever in our hearts - Abiye Abibo

photocredit: gustavoinutero