A FATHER'S ADVICE

                       
TO HIS SON ABOUT MARRIAGE

1. My son, if you keep spending on a woman and she never asked you if you’re saving or investing, and she keeps enjoying the attention, don’t marry her.

2. My son, a woman could be a good wife to you, some could be a good mother to your children but if you’ve found a woman like a mother to you, your children and your family, please don’t let her go.

3. My son, don’t confine the position of your wife to the kitchen, where did you get that from? Even in our days, we had farm-lands where they worked every morning . . . that was our office.

4. My son, if I tell you that you’re the head of the house, don’t look at your pocket; look if you will see a smile on your wife’s face.

5. My son, if you want to have a long life, let your wife be in-charge of your salary, it will be difficult for her to spend it when she’s aware of the home needs and bills to pay but if it’s in your care, she will keep you asking even when all has been spent.

6. My son, don’t ever beat your woman, the pain in her body is nothing to be compared to the wound on her heart and that means you may be in trouble living with a wounded woman.

7. My son, now that you’re married, if you live a bachelor kind of life with your wife, you will soon be single again.

8. My son, in our days, we had many wives and many children because of our large farm-lands and many harvests, there are hardly any land for farming anymore, so embrace your woman closely.

9. My son, under the cocoa tree that I did meet your mother could be your eateries and restaurants of nowadays, but remember, the closet thing we did there was to embrace each other.

10. My son, don’t be carried away when you start making more money, instead of spending on those tiny legs that never knew how hard you worked to get it, spend it on that woman that stood by you all along.

11. My son, when I threw little stones or whistled at the window of your mother father’s house, to call her out, it was not for sex, it was because I missed her so much.

12. My son, remember, when you say your wife has changed, there could be something you’ve stopped doing too.

13. My son, your mother, Asake rode the bicycle with me before I bought that tortoise car outside there, any woman that won’t endure with you in your little beginning should not enjoy your riches.

14. My son, don’t compare your wife to any woman, there are ways she’s enduring you too and has she ever compared you to any man?

15. My son, there is this thing you people call feminism, well, if a woman claim to have equal right with you in the house, divide all the bills into two equal parts, take one part and ask her to start paying the other part.

16. My son, I met your mother a virgin and I took more yams to her father, if you don’t meet your wife a virgin, don’t blame her, what I didn’t tell you is that our women had prestige.

17. My son, I didn’t send your sisters to school because I was foolish like many to think a female child won’t extend my family name, please don’t make that mistake, the kind of female achievers I see nowadays has made the male-gender an ordinary tag.

18. My son, your mother have once locked up the cloth I was wearing and almost tore it because she was angry, I did not raise my hand to beat her because of a day like this, so that I can be proud to tell you that I never for once beat your mother.

19. My son, in our days, our women had more of natural beauty, though I wouldn’t lie to you, some had minor painting of their appellation mostly on their arms, the ones you people now call tattoo, but don’t forget that they didn’t expose any part of their body like your women of nowadays.

20. My son, your mother and I are not interested in what happens in your marriage, try to handle issues without always coming to us.

21. My son, remember I bought your mother’s first sewing machine for her, help your wife achieve her dreams just as you’re pursuing yours.

22. My son, don’t stop taking care of me and your mother, it’s a secret of growing old and having children to take care of you too.

23. My son, pray with your family, there is a tomorrow you don’t know

How many of us agree to every advice here, have my reservations about some though.
I saw the post on facebook and thought it wise to share.
Have a blessed day but first let me add my own advice

24. My son, if she doesn't cook for you and only competes with you when it is time to drink alcohol then she is not a wife material.

You can kindly drop your own advice in the comment section. Thanks

photocredit: Google

The Phone and The Spouse

Dear Blog visitors, is it right to go through your partner's phone let alone answer his or her calls?

Came across this video and I decided not to laugh alone

 I am of the school of thought that says 'thou shall not pick or go through his or her partner's phone'. Let me give you my reasons before you remind me of how you two have vowed to spend the rest of your lives together as one etc or how 1 + 1 has suddenly become 1.

1.      NO TWO MARRIAGES ARE THE SAME

Just as our faces are different so are the characters and the way our partners react to issues different. You dare not pick or go through your spouse’s phone because your friend does same to his or her spouse. You are not married to the same persons and if your friend’s spouse is comfortable with it, I think it is wise to have that discussion with your spouse before venturing into that line of business. In other words ‘one man’s food is another man’s poison,’ find out that which goes well with your tummy lest it purges you (and blood dey follow some purging self).

Your level of communication and understanding of your spouse will help you better. While some will understand the reason behind you going through their phones or helping them pick their calls some may not.

2.      TRUST

This is the most expensive thing in this world as it could take years to build and seconds to lose. Someone once said ‘if I cut you off, chances are that you handed me the scissors’ and if you ask me I will say going through your spouse’s phone is equivalent to handing him or her the scissors. The truth is you cannot control or censor the kind of messages or pictures the third party sends to your spouse and once you start going through the phone and seeing all the funny chats and messages you start to lose faith in your spouse. Gradually you become the house detective and relationships are about trust and once you start playing the detective then you start having issues and that expensive thing called TRUST will be lost and in some cases it might take forever to repair.

Now there is a difference between going through your partner’s phone and picking your partner’s call. On a normal day I will say it is okay to pick your partner’s call but human beings are very funny and you can never tell what the person at the other end of the line has to say. How will your spouse feel when he or she picks your call and there is nobody to respond at the other end of the line? This kind of scenario can keep one at the edge of the seat and automatically makes one a detective.

3.      ATTITUDE

There is this popular quote that ‘relationship never dies a natural death…they are murdered by ego, attitude and ignorance’. We human beings are naturally jealous and most jealous persons have nasty attitudes especially when they cannot hide how irritated they are. The kind of things we see or read can affect our state of mind, it can make one become jealous of another and it can make one’s attitude change (it could be positive or negative). Brethren to avoid gossip of how your spouse’s attitude has changed especially towards you….STAY OFF HIS OR HER PHONE(s)

Finally you could end up wrong if you use phone call and text messages from your spouse’s phone to judge his or her fidelity and this singular issue can destroy your marriage or relationship. When you decide to play the role of a detective in your marriage or relationship, he or she will equally try to play the role of the smart thief. You will spend your time chasing a shadow instead of the main substance which is making your spouse always longing to spend that quality time with you.  

The Leader's potential difference

Potential difference requires a leader to be ahead in order to keep the team motivated. This requires knowledge acquisition and skill development. In this light, knowledge is defined as a knowing that gives an edge, which results in an ability to influence. Charlie Jones said: “You will be the same person in five years as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read.” It is generally believed that every leader is a reader and every reader is a potential leader. CNN’s ‘Reading for Leading’ program lends credence to this hypothesis. A leader should know something about everything and everything about something within his sphere of leadership. Again, this doesn’t mean the leader is the know it all; instead, it means the leader has basic amount of knowing in a wide range of subjects, and a deep amount of knowing in one or a few subjects. This makes for a leader who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way (paraphrased from John C. Maxwell’s quote). If you don’t have it, you can’t give it!

Knowledge is primarily acquired through reading. A leader must study to remain approved because there is a natural degradation that comes with lack of learning. A computer engineer who received a degree in 1980 and has not continually increased in knowledge will be outdated in today’s dynamic and fast-paced world of computing. There is therefore no end to personal development. It is imperative to remain a student of life and a student for life: duly registered in the University of Life. Henry Ford said: “Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty.” It is a never ending cycle of knowledge. The more you know, the more you discover you don’t know, and the more you want to know. If one must live without knowledge, then the next logical step will be to purchase a firearm because it will soon become necessary to rob a bank; and even for that, knowledge is needed!

Let’s take a look at one of America’s greatest leaders – Thomas Jefferson. He was the 3rd president of the United States and the principal author of the US Declaration of Independence. History records that he depended on books for his education all through his life. During his presidency, the Library of Congress, which is currently the second largest library in the world, was established. It is worthy of note that Jefferson had the largest private library in North America at the time. After the Library of Congress was burnt in the War of 1812, he sold his personal library collection to the United States Government. His collection was used to re-establish the Library of Congress. At this time, Jefferson had seemingly accomplished it all; nonetheless, he began to rebuild his personal library at the age of 71.

The leader’s first priority is the building of potential while a later priority is to build potential in others through mentoring. A leader in self, increases exponentially by teaching others in leadership. The renowned educationist, Edgar Dale, developed the Cone of Experience in 1946 where he related different learning techniques to memory retentiveness. Although he never added specific numbers to his cone, it was postulated from the cone thereafter that we remember 10% of what we read and over 90% of what we teach others. This implies that we can literally receive 90% by giving 10%; truly it is blessed to give.

Elephants spend about 80% of their day feeding; consuming several hundreds of pounds of vegetation daily, and excreting around half of what is eaten. The lesson here is that a significant portion of time must be spend in capacity building, but capacity must not be kept, it must be discharged, else it becomes toxic to the bearer. Lack of use is as bad, maybe even worse than misuse. Jim Rohn summarized it as thus:

“Don’t let your learning lead to knowledge. Let your learning lead to action.”

The Authors: Akinleye Sowunmi, Chukwuka Madumelu and Oghare Ogidiama are friends and business partners who believe they are going to change the world someday.