16 seconds That Changed the History of Africa

The phone rang, and rang the second time and then someone picked and the remaining 16 seconds of that conversation changed history.

             
As we have witnessed the smooth transition from one government to another today May 29th 2015, one can’t help but recount how we got to this point. The 2015 presidential election might have come and gone but its effects and lessons are ever green.

I am not here to talk about the two major political parties that did not allow us rest, whether it was rigged or not; I am neither the Independent National Electoral Commission nor did I participate in any form in the just concluded election.

I am only talking about this because there are lots of lessons to be learnt from this past election. Simply put I learnt a lot from the just concluded 2015 election which I will like to share.

1.       Strength in Unity

I cannot over emphasis how this factor was made manifest in this election. There is a saying that goes like this, ‘united we stand, divided we fall’. The All Progressive Congress (APC) did not just pursue her aim as just a political party, she came as a movement with just one mission which they didn’t lose sight of. She had her house in order and did not let anything disrupt the peace and unity she had built for years. The opposition party on the other hand had a divided house and there will never be progress once the center can no longer hold.

2.       Bridle one’s tongue

Like they say behind every successful man is a woman and that woman can make or mar you. Well anybody that paid close attention to the rallies, events and the long speeches will agree with me that not bridling one’s tongue by some prominent people in the then ruling party aided in their loss of the election.

3.       Be on guard

Do not be in a hurry to rejoice because other people are decamping to your party. You never can tell, they might be spy’s sent to divulge your plans to your opposition. if your enemy decamps to your party, you ought to at alert. Strength in number does not work in this scenario especially when there is a hidden agenda.
                         
4.       No gain in talking bad about others.

Sorry to say the People democratic Party(PDP) used their energy negatively and that did not help their case. Rallies are medium created for you to use and encourage the voters and give them reasons to vote for you but they spent more them trying to tarnish the image of the opposition party. Anyone who delights in talking about another is totally insecure

5.       Never forget those you are serving

Every leader is a servant and should have the spirit of service. Most of us forget those who put us in the position we find our self. We forget the poor masses who entrusted their life to you believing that you will handle it with care. CHANGE came because over the years there was no improvement by those in power

6.       Never give up

We are all conversant with the General Muhammed Buhari's story. Several times he had tried, he almost gave up but like they say with determination and persistence you will surely get there.

7.       Be calm, articulate and be in charge

These attributes were evidently seen in the Independent National Electoral Commission chairman professor Attahiru Jega. The way he handled both parties, trying not to be biased and addressing each complaint peacefully. Bible says a slow reply will always turn away wrath, learn to be calm.
                        
8.       Be smart, strategize and Execute

Parties were smart, they strategized and executed as planned but the truth remains that some are smarter than others (if you call it rigging, you are on your own). whatever you do in life without a plan is more likely to fail, plans are triggers that fire your goal to its destination.

9.       Finally when you lose have the maturity to respect your opponent and leave peacefully, those 16seconds that President GOODLUCK EBELE JONATHAN spent in congratulating GENERAL BUHARI, was what defused a ticking bomb. In your relationship, at work or in school learn to be hate losing but be a good loser.

               
happy democracy day to our great nation NIGERIA, I sincerely pray for a positive change in all aspect of her life.

Go Get Your Love Back.....

                                              
Some relationships are not just meant to be, why can’t we understand that, but then again some are worth fighting for, and if you fall in the latter category I strongly advice you pull out all the weapons in your arsenal and fight for him/her.

Winning your EX back isn’t really the hard part. The hard part is keeping them, after all, they left you once, what stops them from leaving you again? What is the point of getting your ex back if you can’t keep them PERMANENTLY?

This post is not just aimed at helping you keep your Ex so that you guys can finally have that "and they lived happily ever after" ending. It is about getting them back in the right way, yes you heard me right, there is a right and a wrong way to get your EX back, and sadly most people follow the wrong way. If you have tried the wrong way before just know they will leave you again in the nearest future.

Wrong ways of getting your EX back

1.       Please Pity Me – My Dear if begging alone works then I am sure there won’t be break ups everywhere. Begging and using pity alone does not work all it does is reveal how insecure and weak you are. NOTE: begging and asking for pity is not the same as apologizing. Give a sincere apology and let it be. No one is attracted to a miserable person, the aim is to get their love and respect back therefore pity and begging won’t help.

2.       I Would do ANYTHING for YOU – this technique is the most annoying, this happens where in the bid to get your EX back you reduce yourself to a foot mat, that he/she can walk all over and treat without respect, all because you want him to stay with you, therefore you give into his/her unbelievable demands. My dear please dust yourself up, people always underestimate the need for respect in a relationship, respect is as important of love and it is also Reciprocal .
                                       
3.       I will win them with love – as much as this works, using it early in break up is wrong, a wrong move indeed ( you can notice the emphasis on wrong). Your instincts tells you that if your ex just realizes how much you love them and how much you care about them, they will come back. You just need to make them believe that no one in the world will ever love them the way you do. How can they reject you once they realize how much you love them, Right? Wrong, they know all about your love yet they still left so your affection now will not do much, REVERSE- now. If the cause of break up is lack of love and affection then go ahead and shower them with it, but if not don’t.

So the real deal how to get your ex back

1.       Take 5 – give yourself some space from him, many people have different time lag for this, some say 1month some say 2weeks, but the important thing is that you take space away from him/her. No contact, whether virtual or in reality. stay on your own.

2.       Flush – take time to forget all the harsh and ill things you said to each other between the moments leading up to the break up, break ups are hardly quiet and innocent, so you need time to let go of all the things said in the heat of the moment. That is if you still want them back, if not write it on a post note and put it on your mirror (LOL). Take time to examine yourself and see if you can actually be the person they expect you to be, if you can then work on yourself.

3.       Re-invent yourself- after you have taken space from him/her, you need to find the person he/she fell in love with in the first place, the you that had a spark around their heads, this is hard work indeed. You need to charge up yourself with a positive vibe around you and carry yourself like the king or queen you are, (please don’t try and fake this) . Give yourself real time to heal and to find yourself outside your EX that is only when you can develop this positive energy. I suggest you read books and find a sports to do regular, in 1 month time you won’t believe the transformation you might have undergone

4.       Re-connect – this is the tricky part, there is no hard and fixed rule for this, but in general you must stay casual, reconnect using your past and memories not feelings.
                            
Words like, I miss you, I love you, I want you back etc. should not be used in reconnecting. They make you sound desperate, even if you are, must you show it!!!

Instead use things like, I was seeing a movie and the ending reminded me of you, I just passed a mall and I saw that shirt you wanted to buy. Since you have not been in communication for 1month, the seemingly neutral message will be bait he/she can’t resist

Getting your love back is a lot like driving, you don’t start your engines and you are in top speed in the next second, give the engine time to sync before you fire on. Good luck ICON ONE as you get your love back and send the wedding cards when you finally decide to tie the knot.

Do I Really Want My EX Back?

Yesterday I wrote a piece about a friend which I felt would help many people and in turn it did. Got many replies telling me the post helped them a lot, those of you that sent your comments through BBm, Whatsapp and Google hangout, please put the comment on the comment box they could help someone out there trust me.
                      
A reader who has allowed me to mention his pseudo name ICON ONE, sent me a long email, asking me to tell him how to get his EX back, because he is still in love with her and even though she left him he believes he is right for her.

This is how I want to approach this, before I write on how to get your ex back I want to address the real issue first which is Are YOU SURE YOU SHOULD GET BACK TOGETHER?

I know this feeling trust me, when we break up with someone or they leave us, we have this post break up disease that feels like a hole in our hearts. Someone once described it as SHE felt naked without her man, funny but true. So here are the hard questions you should ask yourself
                 
1.       Is it to just to win – most times you did not see the break up, so you are totally caught unawares. Did he/she just leave me?, I have to get her back. Not because you want her but because you want to prove to yourself that they still need you and in turn you want to hurt them back. To solve this, try and make a pros and cons list, be honest write down  about your relationship like what you did not like, the ones you liked and those you managed. If the cons and things managed are longer than the pros just go and play candy crush on your phone and forget about him/her. You lost look for another challenge.

2.       Why why why – you have to ask yourself why did we break up in the first place. Take an honest view of the so called reason you guys called it quits, is the reason foolish or is it a legitimate reason?.  Things like having a non-compactible genotype is a legitimate reason so don’t even try to push your luck. Sit back and find out if these problems can be fixed, if they can’t be fixed then let it be. The real trick here is this, if you do this exercise well and don’t find fault from yourself, then you are not yet ready to date again, every relationship break up is a two way thing.

3.       Can I Man up – that term is not a gender biased term, by man up I mean own up to your short comings.  After you have seen your role in the break up, ask yourself are they things you can change and get better at?  if they are then go ahead and wait for my blog post tomorrow on how to get your ex back. If you can’t man up to the short comings, meaning you can’t change please go back and read the yesterday article.
                 
This is your life, so be honest with yourself as you ask these questions, the answer will help you decide whether to fight for your ex or let it go

I would love to hear your views readers

IT HURTS.....BUT WHAT CHOICE DO I HAVE?

Last night I received an email from a blog reader who is having issues moving on from a failed relationship, I tried to give her my little opinion about what I felt was the necessary steps on how to move on from a relationship after which I asked if I could share it on my blog and she agreed.

When you have a lot invested in relationship, it is difficult moving on, your time is your life and when you have given years for a relationship and to hear those dreaded words “it is over” said to you, it feels like your world has come to a halt.

Moving on is difficult, you wish he or she never existed, It could be that you're still part of that person's life one way or another. You may be, working with him or her, seeing or meeting them every day in the gym, club, and regular meetings

                                   

How can you make this transition easier and less painful?

1.       Resist the urge to stay angry – when someone breaks up with us, the reflex emotion is anger, we quickly get angry at the fact they left us, we are tempted to bad mouth or gossip about them, tempted to do all sorts of crazy things to them but we must resist this, anger is an emotion that binds you to the reason that made you angry, as long as you stay angry with your EX you will never move on, as long as you continue to bad mouth them to friends you are indirectly thinking about him or her, so resist the urge to stay angry.Your worth is not tied to him or her.

2.       Let yourself feel – yes I said you should resist the anger but I did not say you should now act like a super woman or man from mars who has no feelings, in fact you should let yourself feel, let yourself cry, crying is therapeutic and if you feel like crying please do, but I advise you do this in your privacy. Do not live in denial, denial accomplishes nothing, it makes you more angry, accept what has happened cry and then pick yourself up.

3.       Write it down – I know the act of writing things down is slowly becoming a lost act in our time but if you must move on, you need to express your anger and the best way is to write it all down, take a pen and paper and write all the bad feelings or things you might wish to say to him/her on paper and after you do, throw them away or burn them, this is very useful for 2 reasons, it keeps you from bad mouthing your ex when you are with company and it also acts to relieve you of negative emotions

4.       Talk to someone – this is tricky, because most people out there are waiting for your relationship to fail, so finding someone who you can talk to is difficult but find someone, someone who does not have a vested interest would be perfect, please make sure you have tried writing your ill feelings down before you talk to someone because in your angry state you might say things you will regret later.

                                              

5.       Ignore the “ONE” Myth – I grew up in a Christian home and people are always quick to say that your Eve is the woman made from the rib of Adam meaning there is one Eve for every Adam. My dear that is a lie, there are many size 42 in the market so don’t let yourself slump into a depression that he /she was the only one made for you in the whole world, yes they might have made you happy beyond measure but then they left, God will bring another person your way to make you happy.

6.       Cut all communication – Facebook ,Instagram, twitter, Skype, Whatsapp, tango, etc. you need to at least cut all the ties,for now. I know this might sound strange but trust me you need the space, now some of us will delete them as friends but still stalk them(LOL). Please don’t, you are deleting them not because you hate them but because you need this time for yourself to try and heal, as far as the object of injury stays on the wound, healing is delayed. So remove the object for now

7.       Wear your shoes – stop crying all day and playing his favorite songs on your phone,sleeping in the PJ's he got you last Christmas, come on wear your shoes and step out, this is the right time to get more active, spend more time with your own friends, join a new group in church or your club, get an active life style, wear your shoes and go out.

Some people also suggest you don’t date immediately so you don’t just have a rebound relationship, but the other side is, we all heal differently, if it takes me 3 months to heal and It takes you 6 months, when I start dating again at 3 months it is no longer a rebound, the important thing is to give yourself time to heal before you date again.

Even if you’ve done everything on this list, understand that getting over a relationship can take a lot of time. Let yourself off the hook when you have a bad day, or burst into tears for no apparent reason. Give yourself permission to heal slowly, one long day at a time.

You’ve likely been through a lot. Be gentle with yourself.

Wolves in the midst of Sheep

Woke up yesterday morning excited about going to the House of the Lord and the best part was that it was children's Sunday.  As usual I got to the church by 7 am, sat down at my favorite spot and had made up my mind that service was going to be awesome. 

Service started and just as I anticipated the children trilled us with their performances. It was amazing watching this particular 5 years old girl sing, her voice was that of a nightingale and of course she got a standing ovation.

Every other thing went well and my strategic position also made me the custodian of my bag along with an Usher's bag. Sat on my sit throughout the sermon up until the end of service when I decided to go use the convenience.  On my way back to church I found out that they were about bringing the service to a close and usually they shut d entrance to d church. 

I decided to go buy water before they dismiss finally and open the doors.  Well to cut the story short I got back to my seat only to find the two bags missing.  I went to ask the Usher if she had taken the bags and she answered in affirmative only to the extent that she took only hers and that was just 2 minutes ago. She also confirmed having left my bag behind.

                        

That was how my day went south.  Just like rapture my bag had disappeared, taken by the original owners.  I thought of my money, my wallet, my ATMs, passports all gone with the original owner. I thought it was only Christians that come to church, but then I remembered hey even the devil is still walking to and fro looking for who to devour and if it were only Christians that attend church then there will be no need for sermons and altar calls, there will always be wolves in the midst of sheep's.

Well I blame myself for been so careless but the Usher too didn't try at all.  My only prayer is that such people with evil intentions will Repent and receive Christ.  Because I can't understand the rationale why someone will leave his or her just to come and Rob another in the house of the Lord.  I thought we are all brethren’s but I have learnt the hard way that it's not everyone that comes to church. Some come to steal, to kill and to destroy. Well once beaten twice shy.  Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. But my father will always tell me to learn from people's mistakes so I hope people will learn from my mistake and don't fall victim.

1.       Do not leave your hand bags with anyone that is not a friend, and if you must do carry your valuables with you, your phones and wallets should always be with you not in your bag when you leave it with someone, we all know we save our passwords to our social media, emails etc on our phones so we do not have to re-enter them always, so losing your phone in a modern day is easily losing your identity, so please be more careful, a good hacker from your social media and emails can guess your ATM password in 10 minute.

2.       Have a credible password, once I lost my belongings a dear friend who has been bickering for years about how I should upgrade my password, asked me if I did and sadly enough I did not, so how do you do this

                       

This means a 6 character password with only lowercase letters can be hacked in just 10 mins, and so and so forth, this was gotten from business week. Have a credible password

3.       Call your bank as soon as possible, all banks now have a dedicated number for emergencies, calling them as soon as possible would mean they block all transactions from your account till further notice.

4.       Finally be more careful, I should have passed my bag into the care of someone else before I left the seat, I was careless and I paid the price,.. 

Oh I almost forgot the good news, I stayed back in church till 5pm thinking about my life.  Went round the church like 6 times and just the final walk I saw the bag outside the main church with just my Bible and writing pad in it.  My wallet, means of identification, money all gone, and my phone charger too gone but as usual I was with my phones so they were not stolen. Can someone give the Lord a big shout!!!