Saturday, 2 May 2015

LDR




Whenever you tell someone you are in a relationship, they are happy for you, but then the follow up questions knocks out the joy, where does he stay? He stays outside the country or in a different city, and the look on their faces is that of pity, followed by the long preaching of why will you put yourself through so much trouble when you know it will never work and then you start to blame yourself why you ever opened your mouth in the first place to answer the question.

Oh I forgot, you must be wondering what is LDR, LDR is a code name for Long Distance Relationship. This is basically any form of relationship where one partner does not see each other on regular bases, it can vary from 2weeks to 3years. Phew 3years that’s a long time. Most people have this weird notion that 90% of all LDR will fail so they are very keen to advice you not to even try and save yourself the heartbreak. Today I will look at the major pros and cons of LDR and help you be objective in making your choice when you are in the position to do so.

Communication

Pro – when you don’t see someone everyday it helps you have more quality conversations that helps build intimacy, knowing that they are not around makes you value the times you get to talk or text and also helps create the most essential tool of active listening, because you listen to everything your partner says.

Cons- if you both have busy lives, you might not steal enough time from your day to make this quality conversation thereby reducing you to hi and hello which is the first step to your relationship funeral.

Romance

Pro- if romance is truly about the little things, LDR makes the couples grow in this, the thought your partner will put into making your birthday awesome or to celebrate an achievement of yours or to show you they care, goes to a whole new level. If you were close maybe a dinner or a hug will do but since you are far, you have to constantly create new ways to show your affection towards your partner, the skills of text writing, online shopping, email, video mgs etc. all makes you put in more thought to everything you do making you both romantic and creative.

Cons- to continual think of doing one magic trick or the other for your partner is draining, it just gets to a time when you just give up and settle for the normal routine things other couples do. It is also more expensive to create romance when you are not physically present with the person.


Nagging Removed

Pros - Almost all couples are guilty of fretting over the small stuff. Day-to-day troubles cause the most problems in relationships, with issues like not listening and not cleaning up etc. being the popular instigators of Nagging and small fights. LDR couples don't have to deal with the everyday responsibilities that many couples fight about. So Nagging is removed.

Cons- nagging is bad I must admit but pointing out the small stuffs you don’t like helps you know if you can actually live with this Lady/Man, so even if the LDR takes away the Instigators, those instigators are good pointers to the couple’s compatibility.



Trust

Pros – trust to me is the biggest hurdle all relationships face, and till you develop that, dearie your relationship is built on a faulty foundation that will fall one day. LDR helps you build that kind of trust that holds the marriage glued. Even though you don’t see them regular you develop this 6th sense that helps you trust and also connect to them , in ways that makes you know when they are saying the truth or not.

Cons- because you are not there to be around them on a regular bases the partner might take it as a license to cheat and do immoral things while he still acts all lovey lovey to you. The space they have can be there undoing, but then any human who takes the space as opportunity to cheat will also cheat if you were around FACT.

Interdependent 

Pros – have you not seen friends who once they start dating no longer have a life outside their partner? That is totally wrong. LDR helps you stay interdependent with your partner, you keep a healthy life outside him/her, that way you both are not living only in each other’s circumference.

Cons- so many people misuse this avenue of creating a life outside there partners. I know you should have your ladies/men night out and all those stuff but you have to know that those activities are not number 1 any longer

Celibacy

Pros – in a generation where this is becoming a lost act, LDR can help you abstain till you are married or till the relationship breaks up, either way no one loses.

Cons – there is no con, if you don’t sleep with him/her you did not lose anything.

I know you could probably think of more things that weigh into the decision, but if you follow the above checklist, you will see that LDR is not really bad. Is it hard work? Yes it is, but then it is worth every bit of it if he/she finally is the right one. Don’t let anyone tell you 90% of them fail, all relationships are about two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other, if you both refuse to give up then LDR will not stand a chance at breaking you UP.

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