Friday, 5 June 2015

Bride Price a License to RAPE.


There is this interesting conversation that we have been having on another platform since this week so I thought I bring it here to know your views as well.  It is about marital rape and from the conversation most men were of the view that the cardinal duty of a woman in a man’s world is to satisfy his desires.

 Marriage is no doubt the union between a man and a woman. Some define it as a contract made in due form of law by a man and a woman who must be willing to contract, able to contract and must have actually contracted.

Bride price to me is a symbol of sincerity and good faith that brought both families together.  It should create the feeling of trust, honour, respect and understanding between the families. Bride price is not evidence of purchased goods. Bride price is just to give you a sense of responsibility as most people do not cherish what does not cost them anything. It is also meant to instill a sense of accountability into the marriage and not bestiality. If a man pays your bride price, it shows he values you and expects other members of the family to do so.

Rape on the other hand is an unlawful sexual intercourse with a woman against her will. Its essential elements are sexual penetration, force and lack of consent. Rape is an offence and any woman according to the definition I gave means any woman irrespective of the fact that she is your wife. It is rape once she physically resists you and you still force yourself in there.
There is no marital rape that is not associated with physical violence or let me rephrase it and say that I am yet to see or hear of that marital rape that is not associated with physical violence. Research has even shown marital rape to be more emotionally and physically damaging than rape by a stranger as the victim cannot remove herself from the company of the rapist. Every night you sleep, you wake up to your nightmare.

I agree that a marriage ought to be consummated, it is even one of the reasons you can use to satisfy the court that your marriage has broken down irretrievably. The million dollar question should be what should one do when your partner refuses to consummate the marriage?  To me neither Rape nor committing adultery is the best way to handle this situation
Generally I do not preach divorce but I believe that parties should just take a bow before it becomes too ugly.

Finally i want to ask, does the payment of bride price confer rights to spouses to abuse each other or one another?
Can a woman rape a man?
How will you deal with marital rape?

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