In those days parents substituted cursing for correction. I remember hearing my neighbor flog her daughter and calling her all sorts of names in the name of parenting. Today’s parents don’t beat easily but they sure haven’t forgotten how to curse like their parents and tomorrow if your child turns out to be an armed robber you will put the blame on the devil not knowing that it was the curses you rained on the child.
I want to ask, what do they hope to achieve when dishing those word(s) to the kids? Is it to instill fear in them or to help the child develop positively?
This are points I believe will help achieve effectiveness when correcting your child:
• Be positively involved in your child’s life: - a child’s action reflects the kind of relationship he or she has with the parent. Good parenting promotes intellectual curiosity, honesty, cooperation and self-reliance. Create that bond with your child, be the one to lecture him or her on life issues such as rape, what to do during her monthly cycle, dangers in having premarital sex and so on, and for the boys when they begin to grow into puberty help them understand basic things like erection, wet-dreams, pornography etc.
• The Rod and the Staff: - nowadays parents give their children things like leniency, material gifts in place of love. Parents are like the rod used to spank a child by giving them time out and also are expected to be the Staff drawing the child closer and correcting the child in love. If you don’t manage your child’s behavior when he is young, you will have a harder time doing that as a grown up.
• Create time for your child: - House helps nowadays are the new parents while the real parents are too busy for their children in the name of work. After a hard day, the parent gets home knackered and off to bed, only to discover the next morning that your child’s homework is yet to be done and of course you will end up doing it as time is no longer your friend. The truth is, no one will train your child better than you, so create time and build this bond.
• Don’t cage your child: - over time I have learnt that caging ones child in the house solves nothing instead it brews disobedience, lies as the child will always look for ways to do the opposite. Every child needs his or her independence and this helps the child develop self-control and a sense of direction. You can set limits but don’t cage them, it has never worked in the past and caging them won’t start working today.
• Be wise: - children nowadays are just too wise therefore a parent’s authority should be based on wisdom not power. If you like scream like African parents you are on your own as you will end up barking like a dog.
• Respect is reciprocal: - parents are expected to treat their children with respect. Speak to your child politely, respect his opinions and explain your rules and regulations in a subtle way.
• Relationship: - see your child as your friend and daily work on your friendship as he or she matures. Learn about him or her, temperament, what he or she loves etc
• Watch your acts: - parents are advised to watch what they do in their child’s presence. Parents must behave and act in a manner congruous with healthy social behavior and ethics. Your dressing, language etc. it is known fact in the world of psychology that modelling works best than words when you are rising your kids, so model the characters you aim to build in them and they will copy.
• Vacation: - finally don’t be too busy thereby forgetting family vacations. I love my child YES!!! I want to make all the money so that my child will be comfortable YES!!! But feeling of love without action is not love. Quality time helps so please never undermine the power of family vacation even if it’s to your village .lol
Most of this tiny bits are things we all could start applying today, of course not all of us has grown up kids but we all know in Africa, a child is raised by a community. You have a niece or nephew, a cousin and to them you are also a parent so help where and when you can. Our society is on a fast track of poor parenting. Help save the future.