I couldn’t understand it, why does it satisfy a person to bring another to their lowest? Really, I tried to understand the hype of it, the taunting, and the thrill of the hunt, the funny name calling, the beatings, the chasing, the pushing and shoving. It was terribly and yet in all of it I wanted to understand the need for another human to feel superior and you can’t but understand why you are being hunted out, separated from the fold, you never did anything to anyone, you only just wanted to belong to have friends yet this was the result. Now you sit and wonder how your life became this mess, which is crazy because you are supposed to be having the time of your life, yet you are so lonely, so cut out. Every one steers clear of you like you are a disease, those who try to look at you, stare at you with pity. How did you manage to get here? You ask yourself, you search from your first day, what might you have said, what were you wearing? The questions in your mind become endless with no answers.
You try to reason it from your family, how do they see you? Are you really that different? Suddenly it begins to bite you, to claw at your heart, you are screaming in your head but no one is hearing you. You are a walking cry for help but no one sees a thing. You stay guarded, you can never tell when they might pounce, at the hall way, at lunch, at break, wherever, you just do not know, you look over your shoulder. Then you tell yourself, maybe if you are nice and try to blend in it will be okay and funny, they make you believe you have to try, so you do that, you change yourself, you do things you shouldn’t do, you let them do things to you so you can have friends, so you can have someone, anyone, so you cannot be left out but it gets worse, they are coming at you stronger, you are confused, what did you do wrong? You can’t tell anyone because they won’t understand, the last time you tried, they said you were a sissy for not standing up or that you hadn’t tried to be better and you are like can they not see what you have to go through every day.
Somehow you get smaller and smaller with each passing day, it’s a daily destruction of your entire personality, you question who you are, why you are existing, you can’t eat, you can’t sleep, you need to be assured it’s going to be okay, you are going to be okay but there’s no one. The noise becomes too much in your head, you hear their laughter in your head, and you hear how they berate in your head. This is like a sickness because it’s eating you away, you begin to shrink more, to hide more, nothing calls out to you, there is no peace in your mind, and you feel so lost. What are you going to do, will this ever end, and someone should please save you. You have no happy place, your parents start to complain that you are not yourself but you can’t tell them why so you learn to pretend to happy, it works for you but then when you close the door and you are all alone the demons come out to play. You crave the silence at the same time you are afraid of it because when you are alone your mind cannot stop churning. “Help me”, you say quietly but you have become a shadow, who can see you.
Then you wonder what if you disappeared, what if you left, wouldn’t they all be happy, wouldn’t it make you feel better or make them fill better. That thought takes a hold of you, it begins to spurn to give you so much more ideas of how you can do it. You start to wonder a life without you in it and it seems okay because you feel if you let go you will be happier, they will be happier, what is your life? They do not need you. Yes, yes, the demons scream at you, do it, do it and you ready to but if you could only but stop and pause, realize that it would stop, it will end one day, of course it may hunt you for the greater part of your life but it will get better, if you try really hard you can fight, you scream at me “you will never understand.” Oh but I do, I very much understand every of those feelings and more, listen to me if you lose your life they have won, they have succeeded in killing your spirit. You are not all but lost there is still a little of you left but you have to want to fight back for yourself, block out the noise. You say it’s not easy, I know, every battle is never easy and they will be scars but if you try you will win, you will one day look back and be amazed at how far you have come, every of the scars will hurt you but they will be your battle scars to show you fought and won. But I tell you, there’s only one who can fight with you and who will never leave you, He has asked many times if you will only let Him help you but you couldn’t hear Him because the noise was too much but at this moment when you want to take your life the one who gave your life is asking you is telling you LET ME HELP YOU, will you listen, will you let Him?
Sadly these are some and more of the pain some pass through and others have passed through, some have given up along the way, some are so lost they can’t find their way. Some are hunted for the rest of their lives while there are some who fight and fight till they win, till they get their lives back. What is it to the bully? Nothing. What is gained? Nothing but a fleeting satisfaction that never even last. Some of them may even forget how they made your life miserable, some may have just been hyped by the fact that it made them popular or formidable. So at the end, what is the essence? Why? , bullying is very wrong, it is disturbing, stop your child if you find out he/she is a bully, whether you believe it or not, find out, you could be saving a life, it is not a show of strength. If your child is being bullied, find out, listen more, pay attention to the signs, there are signs. If as an adult you are being bullied, seek help or better yet come out or stop that abuse on you. Yes you can stop, it can stop. It has no power over you.
Article written by THE WRITER