So Westlife Lied

I'm gonna take this moment

And make it last forever

I'm gonna give my heart away

And pray we'll stay together

'Cause you're the one good reason

You're the only girl that I need

'Cause you're more beautiful than I have ever seen

I'm gonna take this night

And make it evergreen

This is one of those songs that we all played growing up, thinking and hoping we find that love that is ever green.

Wake up my dear from that dream, because it only happens in Telemundo and Zee World. Infact they even go through a lot self to get that Happy ending.

Love is a weird concept that sometimes even I struggle to grasp. It is one of those words that there is a lot of confusion about its basic meaning, come to think of it, when it is going so well it is called love.  I am so in love with her that is why I bought her a house, that is why I quit my Job for him and also when it going all bad it is called love, I love you that is why I am staying with you even though you can’t give me a child, the long spectrum that love covers sometimes is so unbelievable.

Which is it, is it staying with your partner in the high times or is it staying with your partner in the low times (my friend will call it trying times). As I said to define love is an attempt to define God, no wonder the bible said God is Love.

The issue with romantic songs is that they build up love to be something you can capture, maintain and ignite at self-will, but we all know it is a big lie, in the song above the band West Life said they will make the love evergreen, HOW?

Whatever definition of love you have, I will simply say there are two parts of love, love the feeling and love the action, both are needed in your relationship and most times one is enough. If all you have is love the feeling, sooner or later your song will change to Toni Braxton Un-break my heart (lol).

Love will never be evergreen, from my little opinion sha, there are times love the feeling deserts you and you stay with love the action, and in those times that you stay with love the action, in all honesty you are not evergreen you are just holding on. but that is the tricky thing about love, love the action will always bring love the feeling with it, if you stay long enough with it.

So did WestLife really lie? do we lie at our wedding vows when we say I will always feel this way about you?

Yes you Did.

But then Love is not just the feeling, it is also the action, and when the feeling goes that is when the Action steps in.

So switch your song to Westlife's - More than words

Score Cards...

Don’t look at me in manner or talk to me in that tone... Yes you know exactly what I mean (straight face).

If you want a guaranteed way of frustration and pain in a relationship,  all you have to do is to continuously keep scores of what you are doing in the relationship and what your partner is doing or not doing.  If you want to go ahead and compound your frustration you can go ahead and tell your partner how he or she is not meeting up to your expectation in the relationship. How you are sacrificing and giving up so many for the relationship.
     

This is what most people do in their relationships on a continuous bases, always in the face of their partners reminding them of their efforts in the relationship. I know this is tempting to do, to give them a little reminder of what you have been bringing to the table all this years, or what you gave up to make this work.  You think of how many times you have cleaned the house, paid the bills, bought gas for the car, stayed awake to feed the baby etc, but you have to consciously resist that temptation.

Sometimes we keep score card because we are afraid we won’t be appreciated, so we keep score cards as a tool so that when they try to act funny you remind them of all the things you do or have done in order to make the relationship work.

Another reason is d mild resentment going on in the women community where we are asking the men to recognize that being a full time house wife is also a Job, if you resent your partner for asking you to stay at home and raise the kids keeping a score card of how staying at home is also HARD WORK is tempting.

But the truth is keeping score cards always back fires, when you are constantly thinking of all the hard work you put into a relationship it turns into resentment and anger towards your partner and your loving habits will diminish. The connection between your thinking and your actions is undeniable, as you continue to dwell on your perceived unfair task load you will feel burned out and taken advantage of and in the long run this will give your partner the feeling of negativity around you and this turns to spiral with no end

This negativity in your relationship you have created now makes your partner defensive and he sensing what you are feeling begins to be defensive about how much he too is giving into the relationship and the ability for meaningful communication is totally lost.

So when you are tempted to keep scores, remind yourself first and foremost that this is not a test or competition of who can do more, it is about US not me. If my own contribution in this relationship for now is to bear the bigger load it is worth it, and in the future we will reap the fruits of my little seed. A well-trained child is a fruit, a clean house is a fruit, happiness is a fruit, better standard of living is a fruit. So even though the seed is tough now to plant, don’t keep score cards. Just do it as an act of love.

Throw away the score cards.

Short Message Syndrome

When text messages were invented in 1992, I am sure no one knew how it will take over our lives.  Since its creation it has metamorphosed into newer and better formats but in reality they are all still short message Service(SMS) or otherwise called instant message(IM) (whatsapp, Bbm, facebook messenger etc)

 These plartforms have even gone to the extent of turning lazy teenagers into abbreviation inventors, abbreviations like SMH, L8R, OMG etc are now becoming acceptable on plartforms as a proper means of communication.

 Now I am not pointing fingers at people because I am also at blame but I want to point out two of those abbreviations that make me go mad. An example of there usage is in the conversation below:

 Unknown- sup
OY - good morning to you too
Unknown - hw ya end?
 Oy - Very well thank you.
       - pls who is this?
 Unknown - your BFF
                -lol
                - Jk
 and that is how I have not replied this BFF since that day

 I am so sure many of you have experienced worse, on various platforms, and the only reason I think this is on the rise apart from laziness is the fact that maybe, just maybe no one took the time to teach them how to use short message service so am going to try to give a crash course on SMS;

 1. Manners apply here too
      I understand that most times in other not to forget the message we want to pass to that person, we just go straight to typing and sending the message. I too have done same but when i am done writing I try to greet the person. Our manner of approach matters a lot, you might think it only has to be when you meet with the person personally but the way you also converse with someone depends on the manner of response you get.

2. Stop being lazy
      I think the energy channeled to type the three letter word "sup" which has nothing to do with greetings or "hawaye" will be well appreciated if it was a hi, hello or good morning. In my case this dude was awake by 7.20am and felt to say "HI" but the word "SUP" was the choosen medium of waking me up from sleep. Now there are some cases that this rules don't apply, for example when you are chatting with a close friend, you can even open your chat with "LOL". (Just joking). Abbreviations are wonderful but please when you can do without them please do, and when you can use a little more common one please do,that leads me to my next point.

3. Don't leave people guessing
   I know you are the new oxford dictionary of abbreviations and you update your software everyday. Some of us don't, we just know the basic abbreviations to help us get by, so try as much as possible to help us understand what the new ones mean, the first time I saw "IDK" I could not understand what it meant because it was used inappropriately, and for the fear of looking old, I didn't reply, I just asked a friend who it took over 4hrs to reply me the meaning and I was able to continue the chat, so please even with the abbreviations try to make sure the other party understands what you are trying to communicate.

4. Age has nothing to do with SMS/ IM
      In Africa seniority has always been carried over to everything that we do, so much that the person who sent the first message will wait for the person repling to say the greetings,  come of your high horse, greeting your younger ones, does not mean they are now your age mate, just greet and you then scold them if that is the aim why you sent them an SMS.

5.They are informal
 Most people have lost Jobs or relationships because of SMS /IM, this the reason emails are there, have you not stopped to wonder why almost all smart phones when you type and chose options has the email and Text side by side, the email is just a formal version of your SMS/IM platforms. Someone sends you an email and then you reply on BBM. (You need help). Now there are people who take this to the extreme too, I have seen friends who query you because you have not called them in a while but you have kept in touch through SMS.

As I said its a crash course on SMS/IM not a project topic *tongue out*, I hope we all learn to use the "sup" when necessary, come to think of it, waking up to "sup" as the first greeting of the day is not a good thing abeg.

Feel free to write any other SMS/IM habits that you have come across

"People Always Leave"

It took me time to realize what Peyton meant by that statement in the movie One Tree Hill, but the truth is that any how you choose to look at it, People Always Leave. Everyone must not be in your life and if you ask me I will advice you let them leave when they choose to. People can be likened to seasons and just like each season comes and goes, so do people come and leave your life.

   

Why Do People Always Leave?

1. Lack of appreciation

    Real friends appreciate one another, the efforts made by their partner. Lack of the other party to show appreciation  makes the thing called friendship boring and when the person showing all these appreciation becomes tired of the whole situation, he or she will be left with no option than to leave.

2. Lack of trust and loyalty

    Trust is very hard to gain and so easy to loose. In a real friendship, support and loyalty must be reciprocal. As humans we all have feelings and it hurts when the person you cherish so much, call your friend, or want to spend the rest of your life with is neither loyal nor trustworthy. In this scenario the person hurting will have no option than to leave. Lady Gaga once said 'Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broken, but you can still see the crack in the person's reflection" .

3. We expect too much from people

    As humans we expect a lot from people, we expect them to be at our beck and call, cater for us, do whatever we want and the sad part is that most people do not do anything in return. They are always at the receiving end. Even the greatest fool will someday come back to his or her senses and will be left with no option than to stop showing all these kindness. What else is left of the expectant person than just to leave and find another servant.

4. Too much Pain.

    Nobody loves to be in pain. There are lots of divorce cases in court and when you carefully look at the facts of the case you will see such much pain in black and white. When the 80% of what makes up friendship is filled with so much pain and agony, the first to be broken will definitely leave. It is so hard to forget pain as we do not have scar to show for happiness but I will advise anyone that leaves because of this reason to turn his or her wounds into wisdom.

5. No satisfaction

    Recently a court in Lagos dissolved a nine years old marriage over husband's ability to satisfy his wife (http://elitism6.blogspot.com/2015/06/read-why-this-woman-is-divorcing-her.html). Now there should be some level of satisfaction in every friendship and when that hunger cannot be satisfied, the unsatisfied party will be left with no choice than to leave. It takes a satisfied customer nothing to help advertise your product; without that sense of satisfaction they will never patronize you again.

6. Fear of the unknown

    This is the one reason why friends who are in love with each other will end up parting ways. Most people leave because they do not know how the other person will react when they pour their hearts out. To me this is the most silly reason to leave, try and let it be that you were rejected and only then will you be able to leave freely.

There maybe many other reason why people leave a relationship,union or community, but the major reason for my blog today is to make you have the resilience to move on if they do, the same God that brought them your way, i am sure is working behind the scene to fill the void, either he fills it with someone else or like the prodigal son He brings them back to you.

Phone Battery Myths

It is clear that with the rise in demands placed on phones, battery life is becoming of paramount importance, and not to talk of the poor light situation in my country. Last two weeks a lady died because she was electrocuted by her power bank and this sad event has caused me to do a little research on the popular batter myths and the ones you should apply for longer batter life.

1. Over charging your phone is bad ( true/false)
Most people will plug there phones and sleep up leading to the phone still charging one hour or more after it is full. Research shows that even though most smart phones are smart meaning they can tell you when to stop charging the phone because the battery id full, most are not efficient enough to withstand the extra heat which is not good for your phone and battery. So it is TRUE that overcharging your phone will kill your battery probably for over heating.

2. Charger is Charger(true or false)
Different chargers are made for different purposes, and are built for different purposes, using a multi purpose charger is not a good idea for your phone because they are built to allow a non specific range of power to your device, and also most are prone to power surge due to low material used in manufacturing. Unless it is very necessary please avoid universal chargers.  So it is FALSE that charger is charger (follow come dey, different from chinco).






3. Whats app Kills my battery
Most people are complaining of the multiple groups they find them selves on social network, and the common thinking is that it is killing your battery. A whats-app chat does not take more battery than your Facebook chat, BBM or any app on your phone that is accessing your network, the extra battery usage is if it is on vibration, or you now go ahead to reply the chats so your screen light is on. Asides that , extra messages do not drain your battery faster. So it is false that whats-app drains your battery more. If you want to save battery off your data SIMPLE.

4. Batteries function better between 40% - 80%
There are two schools of thought on this myth, but they all agree that charging a battery to full capacity might not be very good for some long scientific reasons. So the best option is to carry your charger around, but the risk in it is that some believe that a battery has a limited number of charges built into it, some say it is between 1500 - 2500 charges. Now the million dollar question is this, which is better a full 100% charge or charge for 80% then another 20% later? With 100% charge you get to manage it till it runs out, therefore reducing the number of charges, but to charge 80% and another 20% later in the day means you get to charge more. (Abeg i need another school of thought on this one ooooo).

5. Using your phone while charging will spoil it
Using your phone while charging will not spoil your battery but it will surly make the charging process longer which in turn might lead to over heating depending on what you are doing on the phone.Again this depends on what you do with the phone as it charges. So it is PARTIALLY TRUE that using your phone while its charging will spoil it.

6. Do not charge your phone with generator
This is very difficult in my country, but then the reason is simple, most Generators fluctuate and those fluctuations can affect both the phone and the battery negatively. So it is better to avoid it but if you must, use the original charger for the phone as this can help cushion the damage. Cars also run on alternating current which also fluctuates a lot so also avoid car chargers they are not good for your batteries. Though this myth is TRUE but that's none of our business in this country (sips tea like Kermit)

7. Task manager don't work
The purpose of having a task manager app on your device is to help you run your phone efficiently, in the sense that when you leave various apps open it quickly helps shut them down to help save power. So Yes Task manager works, but it if it is not a good one then SORRY is your middle name.

As you can see I am not a geek , but I have tried to explain these myths in a layman's way so that people will take proper care of their phones. Spending a leg and a foot to buy a phone and then spoiling it because of ignorance is bad.
Feel free to add more myths to the comment section.