Score Cards...

Don’t look at me in manner or talk to me in that tone... Yes you know exactly what I mean (straight face).

If you want a guaranteed way of frustration and pain in a relationship,  all you have to do is to continuously keep scores of what you are doing in the relationship and what your partner is doing or not doing.  If you want to go ahead and compound your frustration you can go ahead and tell your partner how he or she is not meeting up to your expectation in the relationship. How you are sacrificing and giving up so many for the relationship.
     

This is what most people do in their relationships on a continuous bases, always in the face of their partners reminding them of their efforts in the relationship. I know this is tempting to do, to give them a little reminder of what you have been bringing to the table all this years, or what you gave up to make this work.  You think of how many times you have cleaned the house, paid the bills, bought gas for the car, stayed awake to feed the baby etc, but you have to consciously resist that temptation.

Sometimes we keep score card because we are afraid we won’t be appreciated, so we keep score cards as a tool so that when they try to act funny you remind them of all the things you do or have done in order to make the relationship work.

Another reason is d mild resentment going on in the women community where we are asking the men to recognize that being a full time house wife is also a Job, if you resent your partner for asking you to stay at home and raise the kids keeping a score card of how staying at home is also HARD WORK is tempting.

But the truth is keeping score cards always back fires, when you are constantly thinking of all the hard work you put into a relationship it turns into resentment and anger towards your partner and your loving habits will diminish. The connection between your thinking and your actions is undeniable, as you continue to dwell on your perceived unfair task load you will feel burned out and taken advantage of and in the long run this will give your partner the feeling of negativity around you and this turns to spiral with no end

This negativity in your relationship you have created now makes your partner defensive and he sensing what you are feeling begins to be defensive about how much he too is giving into the relationship and the ability for meaningful communication is totally lost.

So when you are tempted to keep scores, remind yourself first and foremost that this is not a test or competition of who can do more, it is about US not me. If my own contribution in this relationship for now is to bear the bigger load it is worth it, and in the future we will reap the fruits of my little seed. A well-trained child is a fruit, a clean house is a fruit, happiness is a fruit, better standard of living is a fruit. So even though the seed is tough now to plant, don’t keep score cards. Just do it as an act of love.

Throw away the score cards.