Hi Oyidiya, first of all i want to commend you on your blog. God bless you as you keep bringing information to our doorstep.
I recently read your post on Mr and Mrs Smith telling us the pros and cons in marrying someone in the same profession. I tried commenting but it refused to upload so i thought it wise to share my story via this email.
I understand what you mean by saying marrying someone in the same profession helps keep the conversation alive, spend quality time and aids in understanding your partner but I feel all these are applicable at the early years of marriage or i should just ask why my own is different because it doesn't apply in my marriage at least not any longer.
I am a Lawyer likewise my wife and we have been married for over 15 years now with 3 children. We have our firm which we are both partners of the firm but i am the one that runs the firm as i cannot remember the last time my wife came to work. Don't get me wrong her absence is not a problem to me in fact I even like it like that because any day or time she visits, drama always follows suit.
For more than 2 years now i have been enduring my marriage because things are no longer as it used to be. I literally spend most of the day at work all because I can no longer contend with her level of nagging at home. And as a human being that i am who has needs that she has refused to attend to, I have decided to seek solace else where and with other people and that she also knows.
Well to cut the long story short, let me just narrate the recent incident. My wife came to the office last week along side her drama. We had series of argument in the office meanwhile this was during working hours and my employees were still around. She left the house just to come and tell me that the stain she saw on my white shirt could not be ordinary dust but brown powder. She started screaming on top of her voice just because i warned her never to bring family issues to my work place again especially during working hours and walked her out of my office. She stood in front of the office raining curses on me and continued same as she walked down the street. The insults were becoming unbearable and I decided to run after her and caution her. I caught up with her at the junction and mid way into pouring my heart out, I was silenced by her heavy slap.
Now this is not the first time i am receiving slap from her but this is the first time it is happening in public and I can no longer tolerate her any more.
Well i decided to share this story because I have experienced that it is tough marrying your profession especially if the profession is Law. I have been embarrassed severally by this same woman and I am tired. I was taught never to hit a woman but at this stage i might be forced to or better still throw her out of my life or I need better ways to sort my self out of this mess. Thank you.
Personally I am not not a fan of anyone that hits a woman neither do i encourage divorce unless the marriage has broken down irretrievably. So permit me to sit this one out as i honestly want to hear your views.
Generally, I have no problem with marrying someone in the same profession but working in the same office? Hell no! There needs to be some mystery in the relationship, there has to be something to talk about after work that my spouse doesn't already no, I need to miss him a little too. Waking up, going to work together and coming home together is just too much biko. Secondly, what happens if your wife follows your footsteps and starts sleeping around too? Men seriously need to get it out of their head that sleeping around is the way forward when you're having marital problems. If something is broken, you fix it, if you try your best to fix it and it's still broken then throw it out. The problem is that most people don't try to fix it because you feel you have an alternative which is to start sleeping around. Problem is, it fixes nothing! Thirdly, women need to start demanding fidelity cos no one is going to hand it to you. We keep making excuses for men as if they are animals who can't control themselves. Cheating is inexcusable but men will never stop because they know women will be sitting at home making excuses for them.
ReplyDelete"Men need to get it out of there heads that sleeping around is the way foward" I dont think we think it is the way foward. It takes a whole lot of discpline to stay faithful for both parties in a relationship, but when the price for the discpline is altered the discpline too is removed. I am of the believe that infidelity in its most primal state is because of unhappines. Solve the unhappines in the home and it goes away.
DeleteChigo, I like you eternal optimism, but in this case am not sure a romantic dinner will solve it, and why should I be the one making new vows and promises , when she was the one that disrespected me in public
ReplyDeleteI have two questions for the Dude
ReplyDelete1. When she slapped you the first time what did you do?
2. When you started cheating what where you expecting to be the outcome?
Our actions are like sticks that have consequences attached to the other end, when we pick up action, know consequence follwed it, we might not see it at the moment, But it is around the corner.
since divorce is not an option, I advice they both go for counselling.
Perhaps you have stopped your good behaviour. Try and stop your bad behaviour maybe things will change for the better
ReplyDeleteThis one has popped Chioma Nwigwe out and on this she can argue for Africa... well I share ur view Chioma but ppl will need to be chanelled to God because if dey are, dey will see that there is no reason, whatsoever for infidelity... the bible says "oh ye man, u are inexcusable"... I consciously allow d bible to be my final authority...
ReplyDelete